I am alive.

Wow...I have not posted a blog in a entire month.

Sadly not much have happened in that month so this blog will not be to long and this is my break from writing papers. So I do not know how many words my mind will spit out, cause my papers might have stolen them all.

Firstly I would just like to complain for a second, the wifi has been in and out today and it is the one day that I actually needed wifi. (I know 1st world problem)

Anywho, I don't know if I will be able to discuss all the things that happened this past month. Not because there was so much but because my tired mind is weak and limited. So the one thing that sticks out to me was the fact the weather has gotten colder and I took a trip to Moscow.

I am so very excited about the snow and cold weather, but I do have to admit I enjoy it more when I can just be inside. I do not enjoy this weather while I am trying to walk to the subway or go somewhere because I just want to be under my covers in bed. But don't get me wrong I am loving the fact that the weather is starting to match my image of Russia. This past week the weather has been warmer (40s) so that is a little disappointing.

I will not go through and do a play by play of my time in Moscow but know I did see all the tourist things. But I missed the opportunity of seeing Lenin's head cause that building was closed temporarily. One of the things that have stuck out in my head was our time in the Cathedral of Christ the Savior. It is one of the largest cathedrals in the world and it is awe striking. This was one of the first actually running (not museum) cathedrals I have been in. I walked around the whole cathedrals and observed everything. Then I just stood right at the entrance for a while and watched everyone enter and walk around praying. I started praying while I was in there and just felt like God just speaking to me, about his love for these people. I just prayed to God while watching these people pray to saints.

Well it has been a little lonely here but at the same time I feel like God has also given me some friends. I am so happy about the people at church and school that have become my friend. I am also really lonely because I have been missing some of my friends in seattle and it is hard to try and communicate cause the time difference. Okay pity party over.

I am super excited cause two classes are done this next week and then I will be able to have time to do other things. Lydia and I are trying to visit an orphanage and get some Russian cooking lessons. Also next week Lydia and I are putting on a Thanksgiving for some of the students. Scared to cook a turkey for the first time. So some pretty exciting stuff coming up these next few weeks instead of just school work.

So everyone knows that I am alive, hopefully now with less school I can try to be better at this blogs.

The cold.

Tonight it was my turn to clean (all 11 of us girls have turns) the hall, and after I was finished and took the trash outside. I was in my t-shirt, shorts, and flip flops (summer wear) and I open the door and felt the cold breeze blow all over me. I walked to the dumpster and threw away the trash then sat down on this bench in the garden area. I just sat there in the 30 degree weather and looked at the sky and enjoyed the complete silence. I started to think God I am so utterly blessed, to be here in Russia. There are so many moments in the day I am just going and doing and I don't just sit here in Russia (sure I sit in my classroom or room). I just took a moment to just breathe in this blessing and thought I think I will have my quiet time out here. I opened my bible and read,John 1:16:

"From his abundance we have all received one gracious blessing after another." 

I just started to feel this overwhelming feeling that God loves me and sometimes I never just sit and breathe in the blessings he give me. This past few weeks I have been feeling so insecure and just worthless and have focused so much on that. Sure there are moments when I see something here in beautiful St. Petersburg and think this is beautiful. But I have almost let my mind become clouded with the ideas of insecurity and worthlessness and not on the facts that God loves me so much he wants to bless me daily. I need to stop focusing so much on how I feel but on what I know that God made me and right now one of the biggest blessing I have is being here in Russia. But when I was sitting on the bench I started to think about all the daily things God does for me.

I think I am going to end  this by naming blessing God has given me just this week. (I recommend that you all do the same thing, and see how much God loves and blesses you, not just focusing on your feelings and crap that happens)

> Having a 2 game nights with some of my friends here at SPCU.

> Seeing the winter palace, Hermitage, and palace square.

> Hanging out and laughing at small group with friends.

> Have Lydia taking care of me when I was sick.

> God healing me from being sick.

> Being able to sing and dance to a Russia song in front of SPCU students.

> Laugh, have tea, and eat cake after a fun night for new students at SPCU.

> Go on an adventure to Ice Skating that turned out to be a fun adventure with a lot of new friends.

> Going to have dinner with a new friends at their university, and meeting lots of other Russians there.

> And getting to sit in the silent, beauty, and cold russia night, and just enjoy God's presence. 

так себе

Well it is another week and few days of  living the Russia live. I am getting quite used to leaving here and starting to get a pretty routine schedule.

I can not believe I have been here a little over a month. The longest before this I had been out of country was on a month it feels pretty awesome to get past that point.

I would say the most difficult things with the Russia life is language and looks, let me expand on that a little bit. The language is definitely the hardest thing for me, I have had multiply mental/emotional breakdowns cause I feel like my mind is empty or broken. I have never wanted to learn something and struggle so much in my life. I think back to when I was learning to crochet and it was so frustrating the first few times and I seemed to not be getting better at all. But then after about a week of constantly trying I was able to make the start of a scarf. The problem with Russian language is I feel like I am working on the first loop of crocheting and I can not get it to stay. I just have to keep pushing but I am beyond frustrated almost everyday.

The other difficult thing about living in Russia as an born and raised American is all the looks I get. From the moment I wake up tell I am asleep I will be looked at multiple times. Alot of people look at me like I am an idot or a freak. Lydia and I just try to ignore it but sometimes it just gets to you. When your cooking, sitting on the subway, or shopping you are begin examined. I think the Lord is the only reason I have not completely lost my mind because both of these things just aggravate and frustrate me. I have to daily ask God to give me peace and patience with myself and others.

Other then the two daily frustrations I am doing quite well here in the Great North! I love learning about the Russian culture and history and my heart grows daily for these people. The other daily, Lydia and I were sharing our dreams with each other and it was so encouraging and energizing. I am so glad for where I am right now and how it is preparing me for everything God has for me in the future.

Also like to give a little shout out to Lydia! She is no doubt the best person I could have been here with!

ps: I added all the russian letters to my keyboard and am trying to use them when I can!

пока

My heart and head ache.

So I know it has been about two weeks since my last post and it is crazy that I have almost been in Russia for 4 weeks (few days shy). I am so in love with this country and the people. I love my roommate she is one of the nicest and patient people ever. She is from Sibera and has been going to this university for 3 years. She knows very very little english but because of our great acting skills and google we are able to communicate. My favorite thing about her is how much she laughs. I do not hear alot of laughing on the streets of Russia but just enjoy it so much when you are at someone's house or in my room.

So since I last blogged I was able to go to Peter the Greats castle and fortress called Peterhof. It was so incredible and so breathtaking. There was golden statues everywhere and the tops of the castle where golden. There was also so many water fountains, my art teacher told us there was over 40 at this one castle. I put some pictures on my facebook if you did not see. It was seriously one of the most amazing things I have ever seen. And to think of how long ago it was all build and how it still is running and they have not changed anything just maintained the wonder and beauty of it.

Another thing I wanted to share was about my Birthday. I was thinking well I do not know how my birthday will be, because I do not really know anyone but Lydia. I have only know these people almost two weeks. I was just thinking they will say happy birthday and be nice and that is it. Well on Friday night Lydia and I were watching a movie and eating pizza in here room. Then one of the girls came and blindfolded me, and walked me to the kitchen. When they took the blindfold off all the girls were there and they were playing a weird youtube version of happy birthday and clapping there hands. One of the girls told me, "We not know the song."(hahaha) They got me a cake and we laughed and ate cake. (Side note one of the girls on our floor speaks fluent english and russia so translates for us, in case you were wondering how we ever communicate) While we were drinking tea they told me all the balloons hanging around the room each had a note inside from them. There were 23 balloons in totally. Then each girl gave me a gift like a keychain, candy, and a handmade bracelet. I was so extremely blessed and felt so loved. It was one of the best birthdays ever because of how much they cared even though they did not know me.

So one of the reasons I have not written is because I have not really felt like anything was going on that I could write a whole blog about. So I titled this my heart and head ache, because my head aches from trying to learn russian and my heart for the church. A few days ago I read a article in the Moscow times about last Saturday night a church was torn down by the Russian government. So Sunday morning the church did not have a building. There is more to the story if you want to read, there is a link on my facebook. Well I was just thinking how can this be happening. This can not be allowed! I mean the idea of not have religious freedom seems so crazy to me. I just can not imagine the feeling of not having a church building to go to on sunday. I just began to pray for the church and just started to feel broken for these people and the church in Russia. Well tonight I was talking to with one of the girls on my floor for a while and she was telling me that she is from Turkmenistan and how it is said to be second in closed nations after Korea. She said there are few churches or christians in her country. She was saying how you do not say you are a believer or you can be attacked or killed. When she and two other girls from Turkemistan were telling me their stories my heart began to break again. I am just so baffled but the persecution of the church in Russia and the countries right next to it. I just feel such a burden for not only Russia but they other countries that are have no freedom or are loosing religious freedoms. For a few years now I have a map that has countries that are closed to the gospel and are under persecution. I look at the map almost everyday and sometimes say a short prayer for the people. But when you talk and build relationship with the people in those areas it brings a whole new meaning. To see her eyes start to tear up when she talks about what she wants to see in her country, I feel her pain. I just think God is bring a whole new reality to this to me. I think I need to be careful when I hear about people under persecution or see a map that shows me. Not to think for a second that stink and send a short prayer, but need to intercede for these people. These people are just like me and the people I know. It never felt so real to me until I sat and build relationships with people that have really suffered for christ.

smoke cloud.

I am sitting in my window seat and watching a group of young boys smoking and speed racing around this factory parking lot. Every night I have been hear I hear them but now I moved rooms I can watch those crazy kids. I think kids are trying to enjoy their last few days till school, all schools in Russia start the first Monday of September. I have been sitting here thinking about so many things I heard and saw today.

Firstly I would like to announce an accomplishment I made tonight. Lydia and I for the first time were out at night and went from my teachers flat, subway, and home. I will not lie I was defiantly a little nervous because it is very different at night then day. Anyway just wanted to give my self some props.

So tonight me and Lydia went to our teachers flat and had dinner with her roommate and another lady. This lady was working in an orphanage in Romania. She is from Germany and worked in Romania for four years. Now she has just moved to St. Pets. and wants to work with the street kids here. We started talking about the orphans and street kids for awhile after that. My teachers roommate was telling me how about a year or so ago they moved hundreds of kids out of the city. They want the city to be more tourist friendly so they are taking kids out of the city to make it appear that way. I was so sad at hearing this I mean how strange for the kids to not have a home and to be moved away from what they do know. Our teachers roommate told us she could get me and Lydia into an orphanage one day. I am really excited for that but my heart is still heavy for the kids that are on the street and even the ones on the city close to st. pets. Tonight I am just praying for them and just burden by the idea of all the hurting kids.

There was one other thing I noticed today. Lydia and I went to a store today and passed an Orthodox church. When we were passing it I saw a few different people old and young, bow and do the cross thing in front of the church. One lady was like walking on a mission but once in front of the church she stopped. Even saw a little boy, like 4 or 5, stop in front of the church. I was so intrigued by this, I need need to do more research and learning on the church. I was just think all these people give reverence to a church for some kind of peace or joy. But how much more peace and joy would they have if they surrendering to God and receiving the ultimate love he has for them.

Anyway everyday I am here my mind is spinning and I am just thinking about these people and becoming more in love with them and this city.

Please remember to pray for Russia.

and all that jazz.

I keep having to pinch myself. I feel like I am not really living in Russia. I feel so blessed.

It has been a few days since I last posted so as you can imagine much (but not very much) has happened. I will give you a quick recap of my past few days.

Sunday: subway.history teachers church. English and Russia sermon. long. subway. groceries. lunch. cleaning. rest. dinner.bed.

Monday:1st day of school. Russian Language. 2 hours. brain fried. Russian History. lunch. homework. dinner. movie. bed.

Tuesday:2nd day of school. Russian Language. 2 hours. brain exploded. lunch. homework. subway. downtown. boat canal tour. picture. awe of city. picture. subway. groceries. dinner. tv shows. bed.

Wednesday: School. Russian History. dancing break. lunch. youtube. laughing. Russian Art. 3 HOURS. sleepy. homework. tv shows. homework. dinner. blog......

I am using my blog a lot as a diary so I can remember all that happens and let out my thoughts. So if you do not like the way I write sorry, like I said this is how my brain works.

When I went to my teachers church on Sunday it was so cool to see a church with so many people of all different ages worshiping the Lord. I was just reminded about how God is here in Russia and ready to touch these people. Something I thought was interesting was we came to this church styled building and we went inside and you saw sanctuary in front of you and stair on the right. Our teacher told us that   it was a Lutheran church and then we went up a stair case and saw another church and she said it was a pentecostal church. Then we got to the top floor and it was the church we were going to. We were told lots of churches meet in the same building. I was thinking it was so interesting being so close but still divided.

I have been just thinking this first week here just about the people in Russia. I just have been praying for them. I see so many people everywhere I look and just see what God can do here and through this great country. I feel incredible blessed to be in such and amazing city and just see what God is doing here. I am hoping to get connected with a ministry/church and help out just cause I am starting to really feel a love and burden for the Russian people.

Please pray that Lydia and I will be able to get the information in our classes and start to remember it. Also tomorrow I am moving rooms and will no longer be rooming with Lydia but a Russian student. The students are coming in the next few days and Lydia and I both super excited to meet new people.

Yep, I am American.

It is funny when you come to a different country or culture ,or at least I do, you like to pretend you are part of these people. Think I am just like them nothing is really different. But the truth is, is we are each different. I came to Russia being like I will be like the Russians in no time. And they will just see me as one of them. Well in the past few days Lydia(other international student) and I get looks all the time. We do not talk or laugh in public like everyone here. We do not wear anything flashy or different. We walk down the stairs, escalators, and get on subways the same as everyone else. We walk with a purpose and know exactly where we need to go. So why do they see us as different? This is not really a huge deal just was thinking about this a lot, still trying to figure out why it bothers me.

Today was a nice day Lydia and I were able to just relax and ate breakfast. We then took the subway for the first time alone, to our history teachers flat. We then talked about the last few things we need to know before school starts and made soup. After lunch we took the subway back and went to the grocery store again. Then went back to school put everything away and saw it was nice outside. So we went to a park that is across the street. There were statues all over (there are statues everywhere here). We walked around and saw you could rent boats for the little lake. Then saw this kids area with all these rides and this creepy music playing. But the trees and grass were growing all over them, and no kids were there but the music still played. Then we walked back to the school and heard drums and found a worship team practicing in one of the building for church. Now I have just been relaxing and just enjoy this time to not have to WALK miles, like the other days.

So yesterday, Lydia and I went to many places all over st. pets. but one place that was interesting was the blockade museum. This is a museum honoring and showing the pain/loss and strength Russia had during World War 2. It was a somber area. The moment you walk up this sad sound music is playing and there was touches lite all around this big open area. There was a statue in the middle showing the sadness and weakness of the Russians during this time. When you walk in the whole place is lite with these little torches, 1000s of them. We were told each one represents a person who died. We watched a short video about the effect of the war. Inside there was a clicking sound playing and was told this would play on people radios and they would be comforted because it meant the Germans have not taken there city. Outside the museum was many other statues of them just trying to move on and keep going. After going through this museum I look at Russians a little different. They have such a deep history of pain and loss. They are a strong people but have been torn apart many times. When I ride the subway and see people not smiling and when I walk to streets of a city of about 5 million and hear only a little sound, I feel the pain. This country needs God to pour out on them, they are hurting. I just would ask if you read this to just remember these people not as the villains in movies or the mafia. But a hurting people that needs the Lord.

So remember to pray for these people.

hello---->здравствуйте

I am going to attempt to blog. I am not and incredible writer and I have a scattered mind. So bear with me if I jump from topic to topic. 

Here I am in St. Petersburg, Russia. As I sit here in my room I think of what a dream I am living. I feel like I have been thinking of coming here for so long. I am overwhelmed by this opportunity that God has given me. 

I have been here for a little more then two days and am trying to take everything in but I am starting to feel like my brain may explode. From the moment I landed I started to notice that everything was different from what I am accustom to. Then just as I was absorbing in the surroundings I hear someone speak. I feel like I don't understand even one word people say even after being exposed to it some for about a year. I just stand there when people talk and have to shrug my shoulders because I have no idea. I feel extremely frustrated and stupid because I want to know. 

My first few hours in Russia I went to about 4 different grocery stores, went on the subway, visited my history teachers flat, went out for dinner, and went to a ATM for some money. I felt like 1000 things were coming to my mind. I was also a bit sleep deprived from about 20 hours of traveling so my mind was spinning. My second day here in Russia I was a bit more alert and learned much more. I took a Russia language crash course and all day was asked to figure out what things meant. My mind once again was spinning. Anyway we learned much more that day. And today was able to go to the blockade museum and learn some history or Russia. Then go see some of downtown st. pets. 

I want to tell you how the stores work here. So you first walk in and have to lock your purse and other belonging in lockers. You take out your wallet or money and lock everything in, taking the key with you. Then you walk into the store and look around and get what you want. Stores here only sell certain things like there is simple grocery stores with limited selection but then there are stores to buy nuts, honey, or stores for any other item. So needless to say you have to go to many stores to get what you need. 

I am quite tired of writing today. So I will try to write about the subway and blockade museum next time. If you have read this far, good job. haha

Downtown  St. Pets today.